Red Dress Run

A Boy In A Red Dress You may recall that my last missive was about how my son and I had spent some male bonding time together in the hills shooting paintballs at other guys. But as a father of two daughters, I wondered how might I share a similar experience with them? It turns out I found a way which may somewhat surprise you. I discovered how close a dad and his little girl can get by shopping for a dress together. We went to Ross and began perusing the ladies dress racks. I'd pull a stunning little number out and ask her what she thought, it would be either a subtle approving smile or an eye roll/head shake combo indicating negative. After some time and quite a few dresses that were held up at neck level to see how they fell, we decided on just the right one. A bright red number with a cute circle of diamond brooch in the center...stunning it was!  Yes, it was a fine afternoon Leilani and I spent together dress shopping. Days like that are how lasting memories are made! And so we paid for my dress, drove home where I had to try it on for Kailana to see. She was so pleased and proud of her dad. What's that? Did I forget to mention that the dress was for me? Yes, here you see it...Brian E. Powers in a woman's dress! Why you ask? Well some of you are out there saying: "I knew it! I always thought there was something weird about him!" while others are quietly looking at this and thinking: "Brian really needs to find a girlfriend." Although I am mildly annoyed by those of you thinking the first thing, I am in complete agreement with those voicing the second. Please have your single girlfriends call me at their earliest convenience. But that does not answer the question of why am I standing  in the Kona industrial area in a stunning red dress I bought with my daughter? The answer is obvious: because everyone else was wearing a red dress! Yes, you guessed correctly. It was the first ever Kona Hash Red Dress Run! What else could get me into a red dress in broad daylight? (As opposed to nighttime as some of the more snarky of you are  thinking I'm sure.) No, I have reserved one day a year when I will don women's clothing and that day was Saturday. The legend of the Red Dress Run originates in San Diego several years ago where after a Hash run a bunch of Hashers were in a Jacuzzi. While enjoying their beer buzz and the sitting in hot water with their mates, a woman in a red dress entered the water circle. Rumor has it that she had little on beneath the now wet red dress and the male hashers were demonstrably impressed. This did not sit well with their women, they were surprisingly less impressed. As such they gathered all the red dresses they could find and at the next Hash run they forced all the men to run it in red dresses. This is how traditions are created! Well, as with any good Hash Run there has to be a warm up of the runners and the blessing of the hares prior to they're laying of the trail which us hounds will follow. Followed by the induction into the Hash and instruction of the virgin Hashers as to what will soon occur. And then the Hash is off! Over a hundred people wearing red dresses descend upon Kailua Village on a quite Saturday afternoon, running through the streets and back allies, up hills and into bars and shopping centers and neighborhoods of startled and  amused locals all wondering: "What the hell is going on?" We ran following the markers left on the road by the hares. Sometimes they led us to a bar where the afternoon contingent of middle aged men sitting on barstools were at first confused and then seemingly pleased by the site of a hundred folks in red racing into their bar asking for cold beer. For some of them it was the most exciting thing to happen in their lives since their wives of twenty years told them they were in fact lesbians and were leaving them for the yoga teacher at The Club. What were the people on the street to think of this parade of men and women racing down Alii Drive all wearing red dresses?  Well, questions were asked as we passed them by: "What are you running for, breast cancer?" They yelled..."No!" I shouted back," for beer, we run only for beer!" Along the way where no bars were to be found, beer checks were waiting to quell the thirst of the Ochre Hashers. The people out in their front yards this day were treated to a sight they could not have imagined as we tromped uphill through their neighborhoods. All Hash's conclude with a ceremony called religion, where everyone circles up and chastisements are issued, names bestowed, songs are sung and beer is consumed. This one ended at a beautiful house in Holualoa and included a giant slip and slide upon which much merriment was enjoyed. It was a grand time and as the sun set and the rain began to fall upon those still sliding down the hill in less and less red dress wear, I left the mounting debauchery to head home where a sleepover was in progress that I was supposed to be overseeing. I left with a sore foot, a decent beer buzz and a sweaty red dress which I would solemnly wash and hang in the closet until next year. I'm sure my kids were proud of their dad this day. Brian